Column - RLFB’s “What I Want to See” #2
Posted by Roxxi Laveaux Fanboy on Aug 6, 2008
A military gimmick.
We haven’t had a serious military style character since Sgt. Slaughter. I ask you: why? He was popular enough to main event, and it’s been long enough so people won’t consider it a ripoff. Well, MOST people won’t, and the nutjobs who think 1990 happened last week aren’t worth catering to. I think a military gimmick would be very well received. So come on, bring in a green beret. WWE is on this kick of pretending to care about the military in order to win an Emmy, or whatever it is they want, so this would cater to that desire.
A Knockout with an anime gimmick.
Ok, calm down, I know what you’re thinking. “The Knockouts are REAL wrestlers!”, or “I don’t think many people would like that”, or “OH GOD I HATE ANIME, DRAGON BALL Z CAN SUCK A DRAGON BALL.” Calm down. What I mean is the girl could have her hair dyed some bright colors, she’d wear a vest and skirt or some other anime-ish outfit, her finisher could be a spear and called a ‘Glomp’, and most of all, she’d have a hyperactive personality. I’m not talking about some cheap WWE Diva attempt at a personality while really just flaunting her breast implants; she’d just be completely on one end of the personality spectrum. Awesome Kong has the personality of her ape namesake, ODB is a hard drinking turkey eating b*tch, Roxxi is in a gimmick transition right now but she used to be a female Undertaker except with voodoo, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are the girls you knew in high school who today probably live in a trailer park with five kids and three STDs (or maybe the other way around?), etc. Most of the Knockouts have a very extreme gimmick, focusing entirely on it with no gray area, no compromise to make a ‘well rounded person.’ So the way I see it, a hyper, bouncy, laughy, 9 year old in a 25 year olds’ body who is still talented enough to be a Knockout would fit in quite nicely, and bring in more of the anime watching demographic.
Roxxi Laveaux
As I said above, Roxxi seems to be in a gimmick transition. She’s apparently ditched the voodoo, but she still never talks and still has most of the Voodoo Queen mannerisms. I’m fairly sure that the reason Roxxi hasn’t used her finishers in a while is because they haven’t decided what to name them now that her voodoo aspect has been de-emphasized. So what I want to see is Roxxi to have a gimmick again. Have her go back to the Voodoo Queen or let her be Nikki Roxx, whatever, either is fine. Just solidify something. Though personally, I want to see the Voodoo Queen come back. The fans fell in love with her and her constantly alternating vest colors, and it was pretty unique for a female wrestler. I was hoping she’d start playing mind games, doing some paranormal stuff, and really turning into Girl Undertaker. But again, even if that doesn’t happen, just solidify a gimmick for her.
Undertaker’s Retirement
I’m not saying I want him to retire anytime soon, but when he does, I’d like it to be at the same time Kane retires. The way I see it, they rekindle the original feud that brought Kane to the WWE in the first place. For a few months they could play with Paul Bearer, the Urn, even Brother Love or whatever his name was. It’d all culminate in a Hell in a Cell match in which they absolutely destroy each other, leaving them both motionless in the ring. And I’m talking every weapon you can name, even bringing some fire in at some point. The druids come, carry them both out, and that’s how they retire. It’d be nice for them to be able to make a farewell speech or something, but that just can’t be done without completely breaking character. Or I dunno, maybe they could find a way to make it work. But the key point is I want their retirement match to be one in which they end each other’s careers. In kayfabe, of course.
Chris Jericho
What is he doing fighting in the underwear outfit? PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON.
The WWE and World Tag Team Titles
What are there, three tag teams in all of WWE? I say just merge the two sets of titles, bring them to one of the brands, and have all tag team fighting be exclusive to that brand. Short storylines and feuds involving two superstars who team up can still occur elsewhere, but anything involving that title should remain on the one brand. Why not? It’s not like WWE cares about tag teams at the moment. The three remaining teams can feud over the titles all they want, and actually make them worth something again, rather than existing only so people who are feuding can end up being champions together as some sort of unfunny irony. It was amusing with Matt Hardy and MVP, but now it’s getting old.
Portia Perez
She’s in SHIMMER. She’s new, but she’s showing a lot of promise from what I’ve seen, and she really loves her rollups and armbars. It might be premature to do it right now, but I’d like TNA to take a look at her and consider hiring her in the future. She hasn’t been in SHIMMER long enough to form ties with management and essentially never leave, like MsChif and Allison Danger, and her matches never disappoint. Order some SHIMMER DVDs or check youtube, she’s good. Plus, her finisher is a spinning Unprettier! Swoon, Christian, swoon.
Mixed Tag Team Championship
One of TNA’s best selling points is the Knockouts, right? So the way I see it, why not incorporate them even more into the entire show by having a mixed tag team championship? That is, teams are formed of one man and one woman. Men and women could fight, though they probably wouldn’t be able to thanks to Spike TV, but even with the automatic tag-out rule applied it’d still be a cool championship. Plus, the Knockouts could team with some of the male superstars who don’t get such high ratings, so people would stay interested even with them on screen. People were critical on the idea of the Knockouts to begin with and look how well it turned out, so why not take this shot too?
That’s my view from the Great White North. I’m Roxxi Laveaux Fanboy, may the voodoo be with you.
By the way, on August 14th I’m going to have some people flying in to visit, and over the next two weeks we’ll be going camping, golfing, to Canada’s Wonderland, Niagara Falls, Toronto, and we’ll have to fit sleep somewhere in there too. It’ll all end on September 5th, so in that period I doubt I’ll have time to get online at all, much less keep up to date on wrestling news and write columns about them, so don’t expect anything from me during that timeframe. Sorry.
August 6th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
“Chris Jericho
What is he doing fighting in the underwear outfit? PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON.”
Exactly what i thought.
You bring up some great ideas. The prestige have gone from tag team titles so badly. new exciting “take a deep breath and dive in” kind of gimmicks are needed now.
August 7th, 2008 at 1:54 am
“WWE is on this kick of pretending to care about the military in order to win an Emmy, or whatever it is they want, so this would cater to that desire”
Are you kidding me?! You think that’s all it is, them wanting to get an Emmy, eventhough they’ve been doing it for years. Hell, many famous people have been doing it, and for decades! It’s not so they can win some award. They do it because they want to do it. If I recall reading, Vince doesn’t make the wrestlers do it, only those who WANT to go. It’s not just some cheap way to win an award, much less get their name on the news. (Not saying that it doesn’t hurt.) But to assume they do it for that reason alone is just f’n stupid.